2009 was supposed to be so great, but what's that all about? The economy is in the tank and now my roommate has sais. Sais are an ancient weapon that are to be feared and respected, but in the hands of a chinaman roommate they can really bring a guy down. It's hard enough living with a chinaman to begin with and all the china ways, but even I never imagined that sais would ever enter my home because of it. This is my story.
1. Sais are Dangerous.Sais may not be sharp but they make up for it by having three direct points of attack and one blunt end for striking the neck or the face. They also look excellent when spinning around on a hand or a glove, but the chance that the sai will then fly out and break through my antique artwork (they are priceless) or my flat panel television set is greatly increased after such sai showboating. I like to call this sai-boating, and this particular chinaman that I live with loves to sai-boat almost as much as he loves kimchee and rice cookers. When he starts to sai-boat around the house, saying things like "kyeea" and "sai" I just know that danger is around the corner and I get very very depressed. I worry constantly for my skin, my face or any possessions of mine that look like they could use a good sai.
2. Chinamen are Sneaky.
The first think you learn about chinamen after living with them is that they are a sneaky race, the sneakiest of all races really. They will appear when you least expect it, hovering over your face with a bowl of rice and fish for you to eat. They also have small eyes that make them difficult to see. If it wasn't for the gong that goes off every time he leaves or enters the apartment I don't know what I would do. The sai attack is not inherently sneaky in of itself, but in the hands of a chinaman they will be the silent death of me I am sure of it.
3. What is so great about sais Anyway?There's nothing so special about sais that I can tell, they're just these tiny swords from China. Nobody special uses sais, and even if you were a fan of some cartoon show for kids like the ninja turtles than really, why choose the one with sais? He was a giant dickhole to everybody and I think he even dies in the end. That's not a role model for anyone, even the chinese, who need strong role models. Deadpool, pictured on the left, is also a complete asshat. Yao Ming does not sai, so why does my roommate? I don't understand it. It makes me sad and afraid just thinking about these things.
I will continute to update my blog as needed and let you all know how things are going as my chinaman roommate and his sais evolve into something that consumes us both. Perhaps someone out there will hear my cries for help and come save me from the soy dripped hell I currently find myself residing in. If you live with a chinaman, please, for the love of all things Christian, do not allow this person to acquire sais for any reason. Blog out
